Last Sunday, a friend of mine asked if we were going to the Trunk or Treat event at our church. She was excited and clearly looking forward to going with her kids. I hesitated. “I haven’t even thought about it,” I answered honestly. “It’s hard with the candy,” I told her, and she immediately understood. She knows Isaac and our basic food restrictions and why we have them. But then she apologized and said, “I didn’t even think about that,” which was unnecessary because she hadn’t done anything wrong, but also very sincere and sensitive. What she was saying was, it didn’t occur to me that this thing that is fun for my family (and for most families with kids) might be hard for you. I wasn’t asking for acknowledgement in that moment, but it really meant something to me. It is always a powerful thing to feel seen.

Halloween is hard for us, not only because of the candy, but also because of all the things that can easily go wrong for us at events like this. Episodes of severe dysregulation from anxiety, obsessions, sensory overload, and yes, sugar and food dyes, are all but expected and no fun for any of us. The truth is, we’ve been avoiding Trunk or Treats and just about every other “family friendly” event for years. 

Once we discovered that food played a role, we made some dramatic changes, and we’ve actually seen some dramatic results. (That’s a post for another time.) Halloween just happens to center around “food” that is especially problematic. For a deep dive into my woes about candy, see my post from October 2019, The Scariest Thing About Halloween.

Isaac has made a lot of progress since we started treating for PANS and systemic inflammation in 2020, and as a result, we don’t have to be quite as strict around what he eats as we were even in the recent past. But we can’t just throw caution to the wind, either. I’ve come up with a few “tricks” over the years to navigate the challenges of Halloween. From going around to neighbor’s homes ahead of time with non-candy items to making healthier Halloween-themed treats, to participating in the Teal Pumpkin Project, there are some good alternatives for families of kids with disabilities. Still, as the mother of two now-older kids, I know what they really want to do is to trick-or-treat and splurge on candy like most of their peers.

Here is where I’ve settled for now, as detailed in last year’s blog post for The Focus Foundation: October, Halloween, Pumpkins & Disabilities Awareness. “My advice: Set expectations ahead of time and stick to them. If there are certain treats your child cannot have, even in small quantities, be clear about what you will do if she gets them in her haul, and provide a trade-off, if necessary. We typically allow just a few pieces (3-5 small ones) of candy on Halloween night and collect the rest to give sparingly (1-2 per day) for the next few days. After about a week, we keep only the premium candies to give as occasional treats and donate the rest.”

Remember my friend who asked if we were going to Trunk or Treat? Without even realizing it, she provided one of the best solutions for our annual Halloween predicament: what to do with all that candy that my kids love to get and I don’t want them to have. She registered our church to donate 100 pounds of candy to Treats for Troops, a program that delivers excess Halloween treats to military service members. And although we didn’t make it to Trunk or Treat (again) this year, we will definitely participate in this worthy drive by donating most of our candy.

Sincere thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read this article, explore the links, and learn about how we can be more sensitive to our sensitive kids. If you live near me and would like to send your candy to Treats for Troops through our church, I will be accepting donations through Saturday, November 4!