As much as I love Christmas, with all of the decorating and gift-giving and festivities, Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday. And not because of the history and pilgrim stories that we now recognize are not so innocent, but because of the way most of us celebrate it, around the table with family, or friends who have become our family over the years. More than any other holiday, Thanksgiving seems to help us slow down and live in the present, to spend a long day or a long weekend (or if we’re lucky, an entire week) focusing on leisure with the people we love.

This year’s Thanksgiving break was especially restorative for us, and I found myself at the end of it deeply grateful for the progress we’ve made, especially with Isaac’s health. We had more fun in this weekend-week-weekend space than we typically pack into a month, and at the end of it, we felt almost like we’d traveled to a different world, well rested, and full not just with food but with friendship. It is not lost on us that this level of activity was not possible until very recently.

The highlight reel

Friday-Sunday: Our god family, the Wrights, drove down from Dallas to spend the first weekend of the break with us. We spent Saturday night seeing The National in concert at White Oak Music Hall, an experience I won’t soon forget. The next night, we took the kids to Todd’s parents and hosted an adults-only murder mystery party, complete with costumes, characters, voices, and an amazing dinner paired with amazing wine.

Monday-Wednesday: The next day, Todd and I left for a quick, two day trip to San Antonio, which was exactly what we needed. We stayed at Hotel Emma and spent all of our time around the Pearl or on the Riverwalk, enjoying even more delicious food and drinks. The drive back on Wednesday was the only downer due to holiday traffic, but it was totally worth it. The kids were already home when we got there, and we went out for pizza (gluten-free cauliflower crust pizza and salad, that is) around the corner from our house.

“More than any other holiday, Thanksgiving seems to help us slow down and live in the present.”

Thursday: We spent Thanksgiving day with good friends who live just around the corner from us in the neighborhood and one of Todd’s sisters who drove in from Austin. It’s fair to say we gravitate toward fellow foodies, because the meal was truly fantastic: appetizers for days, turkey and gravy, duck with hoisin sauce, pork with apricot glaze, roasted veggies, a fresh fall salad, handmade cornbread stuffing/dressing, and green bean casserole, almost all of it gluten free (because our friends are considerate and lovely people). There was chocolate pie and pumpkin pie, both also gluten free, with some kind of bourbon sauce that was to die for, and my flourless chocolate cake (which didn’t turn out quite right this time, but it didn’t even matter).

In between all of the eating, we played games and worked on puzzles, two of my favorite activities, which I rarely ever get to do. It brought to mind a book I read earlier this year, Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, by Oliver Burkeman, who reflects critically on our cultural obsession with mastering time. We’re always figuring out ways to be more productive, he notes, but for what? When do we get to the point where we enjoy the life we’re trying to create? For me, Thanksgiving feels like one of the rare times I actually get to do what I enjoy doing in the company of family and friends.

“We’re always figuring out ways to be more productive, but for what? When do we get to the point where we enjoy the life we’re trying to create?”

Friday: On the day after Thanksgiving, as is our family tradition, we got all of the decorations down from the attic and decorated the house for Christmas. We started with a thrown-together brunch and did much of the trimming in our pjs before finally venturing to the outside of the house. In the end, and for the first time ever, we were able to finish everything in one day and even put all the boxes back in the attic and garage. (Yeah, that’s a mama mic drop.)

At some point, I turned to Todd and said, “Can you remember ever having a more peaceful day decorating for Christmas?” This was not a reference to the ethereal peace of the season but rather to its complete opposite, the chaos of PANS, which has been such a large part of our life for the past decade. Isaac’s severe dysregulation has loomed so large in our family’s psyche that its absence is almost foreign. The other shoe has dropped so many times, we’ve learned to expect it, and we still find ourselves on edge, in suspense, ready for everything to fall apart.

… But it didn’t.

Saturday-Sunday: Saturday was a slow, restful day, like the “recovery day” we try to build into family vacations. Gillian had some plans with friends in the afternoon and evening, and Todd and Isaac and I went out to dinner. Sunday after church, we drove down to Webster, met up with my sister, and took my mom out for lunch and pedicures. I saw a meme on Facebook that said, “It’s been Saturday for three days now.” I had to laugh, because that’s exactly what it felt like. It felt spacious, like we were living in the time, prioritizing all of the right things, things we always mean to do but rarely actually do.

Truly thankful

One of my favorite lines from “The Sound of Music” is the simple blessing Maria offers at the table, something along the lines of “For this food which we are about to eat, may we be truly thankful.” Which brings me to the main purpose of this writing. I always mean to do that thing where I name something I’m thankful for every day in November, and it always sneaks up on me. But after that realization on Friday that our house was peaceful, I found myself mindful of how grateful I truly am for where we are now.

“Much of the hard work is behind us, and Isaac is better. For that I am truly thankful. “

It has not been an easy road. I’ve written more about the beginning of Isaac’s PANS diagnosis than the treatment, because we have more distance from the beginning, better ability to reflect. And although getting the diagnosis was a turning point, it was in no way a resolution. What followed was an incredibly stressful battle with insurance, countless blood draws, neurology visits, daily cocktails of supplements & medications, and 23 rounds of in-hospital IVIg. The past three to four years have been hard, just not quite as hard as not knowing.

I still hold out hope that Isaac will continue to improve in ways that will make life easier for him in the future than it has been up to this point. I still hope there will be an end, that is to say, but we are not there yet. Still, much of the hard work is behind us, and Isaac is better. And for that I am truly thankful.

What are you truly thankful for?